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Sookie to Ben: I’d be real careful what you say right now because I’ve got a vampire killing ball right behind your head and I’m mighty ready to use it.

Sookie to Ben: I don’t know why vampires feel the need to lie to me, to hunt me to terrorize me in my own home.

Ben to Sookie: You are my intended, I’ve wandered this world for millennia and misery and solitude waiting for you, dreaming only of you.  It’s my destiny.

Sookie to Ben: Fuck destiny.

Jessica to Bill: I feel like I want to have sex or die or die having sex.

Pam to LAVTF Guard: All in the name of Science, huh? Try to explain the scientific value of this?

Sarah to Truman Burrell:  I had to learn the hard way, once they’re turned, they’re gone.

Sarah to Truman Burrell:  Do not take me for granted. That is what Steve did and I won’t have it. When a woman comes to you in black lingerie, you unwrap her.

Bill to Ben: Lillith is part of me, she’s guiding me, I am a prophet in her name. I drank her blood and now I have her memories of you.

Lillith to Ben: God spoke to me of a creature like you. You are destined to save vampire-kind.

Bill  (Lillith) to Ben: I made you into our salvation.

Sarah to Jason: I was very much hopin’ I could save your soul.

Jason to Sarah: My soul’s doing fine itself, thank you very much.

Jason to Sarah: Listen here, you always seemed like a nice lady behind the crazy and the hate, but I ain’t the same dumb kid you met at the fellowship; I’ve been places, I’ve done things.

Sarah to Jason: Jason Stackhouse, I never felt more holy than when I was with you and I truly believe that God wants me to fuck you.

Jessica to Sarah: I always hated the fucking book of Mark.

Sarah to Jason: My body is a fuckin’ temple and you have defiled it with you vampire lovin’ pecker.

Pam to LAVTF shrink: Hold the fuck up, am I in therapy.

Pam to LAVTF shrink:I don’t give a shit about what the incentive is, I’m not gonna talk about my feelings.

Pam to LAVTF shrink: What about the other room? The one where you all had the vampires fucking, the one with that hideous fluorescent lighting.  Put me in that room and I will fuck somebody for ya’ll.

Pam to LAVTF shrink:Your insignificance to me cannot be underestimated. You are food, nothing else, not even good food, you reek of tuna fish. The truth is, I care more about that tuna you ate than I do about you.

Lafayette to Sookie:  Well hello sugar boo boo, now what is you doing here at your place of work because I know it isn’t work.

Terry to Justin: How would you like to kill me? I can pay you, it won’t be much but you won’t be doing it for free.

Pam to LAVTF shrink: I like to think of myself as especially un-remorseful, but I doubt any of us gives a fuck.

Pam to LAVTF shrink: I feel nothing. You humans love your pain don’t ya? You just love being in it, you even consider it a virture. Cry the most at a funeral; you must be the best person.  You promise to never forget each other; you promise to feel the sting of a loss, forever, because for ya’ll forever is just the blink of an eye; you’re lives are pathetically brief. When we say forever; we have to mean it, so we move past our pain, we heal, we move on, because pain is a worthless emotion. For a time, my maker was everything to me; he released me; it hurt.  Now, I’m over it; he’s nobody to me.

LAVTF Guard to Tara: Burrell’s daughter is a VIP; don’t mix with you gen. pop. Vampires.

Steve to the Governor: Oh, I think you’re going to grow to appreciate me, have a seat, enjoy the show.

Eric to the Governor: Allright Governor, give me something to kill.

Sarah to Eric and Pam: Haven’t you seen Gladiator, fuckin’ fight!

Lafayette as Sookie’s father to Sookie: You’ll never understand how much I love you baby girl sometimes parents do things that don’t make sense to their kids, but when you get to the other side I hope you’ll understand, I’ll be seeing you real soon.

/Kristina

Nora to Niall: Lilith was the first of all vampires and she will bring destruction to us all if we do not stop her.  There was a mis-translation in our Bible, it read the people led Lillith to the sun, it should have read the progeny will bring Lillith to the son.  Warlow is the progeny. Only he can kill Lillith.

Nora to Niall: Oh My fuck, you smell amazing.

Niall to Ben: It is Sookie who carries the fae and it is her we need to protect, not her human brother.

Ginger to the Governor: Who knew a sheepshank would be so hard to untie.

Governor to Ginger: Boy is Overlock gonna have fun with you, take her to camp.

Governor to guards: Get those helicopters in the air, I want this town lit up like a Christmas tree.

Faery girls to Terry: His brains came out, you’re a killer.

Arlene to Faery girls: Girls, your uncle has a very active imagination and it’s rude to snoop around in it, you understand?

Andy to his faery daughters:  Come on, it’s time for bed, you haven’t slept since you were three.

Faery girl: I don’t want to stay in bed, we might be 30 before we wake up.  We gotta get out, party and drink.

Another faery daughter: I don’t know about you but I’m raiding Aunt Arlene’s closet.

Jessica to Bill:  I trust Bill but I also know there’s a fight going on inside you between Bill and Lillith and I just want to make sure she doesn’t win tonight. Those girls; they’re also the same age I was when you turned me. If anything were to happen to them, I wouldn’t forgive myself.

Grab it quick cashier: I ain’t supposed to sell without ID, but you know what? There is a way to check; a  little known fact of anatomy, I can show you in the back.

Faery girls: We don’t have names.

Faery girl to Jessica: You smell kind of funny, you’re not like us are you?

Jessica to the faeries: Just think of me like a regular girl and we can party.

Bill to faery girls: It’s gonna be a little cozy in there; you’ll have to squeeze in.

Ben to Jason: Smooth as a babies bottom.

Ben to Jason: Do it like you do it to yourself.

Faery girl to Bill: I think history’s really sexy.

Bill to faery girl: It’s a little toy that we vampires use with our partners. After a 100 years we can get weary using our fangs all the time so sometimes it can be nice just to watch.

Bill to faery girl:  It’s allright, in fact, it’s extraordinary. We vampires, we’re creatures of blood, blood is everything to us.

Faery girl to Bill: So this is like fourplay?

Bill to Prof. Takahashi: Failure is not an option.

Eric to Willa: So much courage, so little experience.

Eric to Willa: Death is not the end.

Eric to Willa: Everything your father put in you, his cowardice, his small mindeness, his hate, all of it will seap out and into this vessel I will seed a millennium of wisdom, honor, life.

Emma to Nicole: I’m sorry your friends died, my momma dies a few days ago…

Sam to Nicole:  Were’s are the best trackers around. You won’t get two miles before they rip you to pieces. You’re a smart woman Nicole, don’t be stupid. Your dying ain’t gonna bring your friends back an you know it.

Sookie to Ben: I just wanted to apologize for how Niall talked to you.  He’s not from the South or this millennium so, he can be kind of blunt.

Sookie to Ben: I don’t want to get all Sadie Hawkins on you, but I believe you deserve at least a home cooked meal for your trouble.

Andy to Kevin: Just do this for me Kev, four Caucasian females between 4 and 7 feet tall, between 60 and 260 lbs and between the ages of 10 and, I don’t know, 50. Now, come on, do some fuckin’ police work for a change.

Andy to Kevin: Why don’t you mention the nut who goes all twitchy whenever one of my kids comes near.

Andy to Arlene and Terry: Those are my kids, I can’t even think straight.

Niall to Jason:  How’s my wounded warrior?

Jason to Niall: Even though you’re a faery, you kind of a straight kind of faery, right? I mean, you’d have to be to have faery kids.

Jason to Niall: no, no, no, spit it out.  Tell me what your “unthinkin’”

Alcide to Rikki: Who is your packmaster.

Bill to Takahashi: Oh, I will go get more and you will not stop until you synthesize it, do you understand?

Eric to Byona: Bonus for short notice, hazard pay.

Willa to Eric: Oh my God, it’s like everything is electric.

Eric to Willa: The world you knew as a human is but a sliver of what you will be feeling now.

Eric to Willa: You’re going home Willa, go home to your father. Let him see his own child turned into the thing he repulses the most. Prove to your father that you’re not a monster, make him understand that we were all once human; we are not to be hunted.

Eric to Willa: I’ve been around for over a 1000 years Willa Burrell, and you are the second vampire I’ve ever made. Now I did not make this decision lightly.  I have to send you back.  As your maker, I command you, go home to your father.

Pam to Tara: Look, Eric mistreated you, but you’ve got to believe that human lovin’ is fucked up.

Pam to Tara: This is war, it is us against them. What is it gonna take for you to understand?

Sarah to the Governor: Come on, let me take your mind off all this awfulness.

Guard to Governor: There’s something you need to know, we had to invite her in.

Willa to Governor: Daddy, I’m a vampire but I am still me. You can see that right, I’m still Willa.  You have to stop what you’re doing; you have to stop persecuting us.

Sara to the Governor: Don’t listen to her Truman, that’s the devil talkin’.

Governor to Sarah: this is my daughter.

Sarah to Governor: you gotta let her go.

Ben to Niall:  You can’t vanish old man, I’ve drained almost all your blood. Don’t even try it, the fight’s over.

Niall to Ben: Are we not kindred?

Ben to Niall:  My family and I, we lived beside yours for years when I was still fae. Just before you were born, I was turned. The darkness in me it battles with the light ever second of my being, but even on the darkest days thousands of years ago, as I stood over the dust of my own mother and father, I couldn’t bare to kill a child.

Nail to Ben: You spared me?

Ben to Niall: Yes, so our line could continue, and now my kindred, I shall spare you again.

Sam to Nicole: It’s amazing how kids can block out a whole lot of things when sleep comes a callin’. For me it’s gonna take a whole lot of this.

Sam to Nicole: I still see Luna. I try to block it out, but at the same time, I don’t want to let her go.

Ben to Sookie: I don’t mind hard work, it keeps a man honest.

Sookie to Ben: I’m not normally this forward, but before I hope up my heart more than I already have. I need to ask you a question. What is it about me that you want?

Ben to Sookie: Here’s the thing, everybody wants to be understood.  You found me by the side of that road and I knew you understood me, I knew I understood you and I knew it right away.

Faery to Jessica: he does that blood thing to me and my sister, he’s creepy, we’re going now, come one.

Jessica to Faery: You smell like honey.

Andy to Grab it Quik cashier: Females, Caucasian anywhere between the ages of 10 and 50.

Grab it quick cashier to Andy: You looking for suspects or dates?

Jason to Andy: Faeries are like catnip to vampires. Sookie’s just got a tiny bit of faery in her and they go crazy.

Jessica to Bill: I was so worried that it was gonna be you, and it was me. Tell me they’re no’t dead, please.

Sookie to Ben: Get the fuck off of me or die, “Warlow!”